You can be an angel of mercy or give into hate
You can try to fight it just like every other careless mistake
How do you justify, I’m mystified by the ways of your heart
With a million lies the truth will rise to tear you apart
Shinedown – How Did You Love
One year ago today, I was pretty quiet. There was small post that went up with very little explanation. I had my reasons, it’s a subject that I keep close to the vest and have for a long time. Mostly because it’s not what would I would call ideal in the way that it is. But here I sit exactly one year later and while that thing hasn’t changed, many other things have. Last year I felt very alone and my post was all that I really wanted to do. There was nothing else.
That being said it’s a new year. Yes the day is the same but a lot of other things have changed. All for the better of course. I feel that without going too far in depth because, let’s be honest I just don’t want to, a little explanation might be in order. May 17th is my LEAST favorite day in the entire year. Thirteen years, a few of them were better, but pretty much all of them have been less than stellar on some level. The only other day/s that are sometimes less than great are Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Now why is that?
In short it’s because I have a kid who I don’t get to see very often, and his birthday happens to be today. It’s a complex situation that is more than anything I care to explain right now but it is what it is. It’s one of those things I’ve learned to compartmentalize and just get through. Yes I know doing that is not always the best thing. I don’t completely block it off, but it’s a thing that I can’t control so there’s not much else there to do. We are not completely estranged or anything, but it’s not what any caring person would prefer it to be. So I have my challenges on the 17th. In the past I chose to face them by myself and just get to the 18th.
This year though it’s different, and while my mind will still be on him because I do care, I won’t have to be by myself for a change. I have a solid group of people around me that is ever expanding and plenty of things to keep me occupied. Sure I could have chosen to do that years ago but we all deal differently and arrive where we do when it’s right for us. This is that time. I’m standing on the firmest ground I’ve been on in quite some time and with that comes a new beginning to a lot of things.
To that circle of people, and you all know who you are, thanks for being there, for knowing, for understanding. You never ask questions and just know and I will never forget that. To the newer parts of my circle, you know a little more now, and maybe we can delve deeper at some point.
Oh and one last thing, yes I literally did just tweak the photo from last year. With all the new changes to life I just didn’t have the time to put something together and I’m okay with that. So enjoy some more balloons and thank you. ❤
To be continued…
Nothing ever feels quite the same when you are what you dreamed
And you will never look at anything the same when you see what I see
How we forget ourselves, lose our way, from the cradle to the grave
You can’t replicate, or duplicate, gotta find your own way
Shinedown – How Did You Love
Balloons: anxiety %sorrowland balloons (Group Gift) ~ Max1ma Resident