“Suppose I thought that by this moment I would have it figured out
But instead I tend to spend my days consumed by seeds of doubt
I know, I can, I won’t”
Lewis Capaldi – How I’m Feeling Now
Welcome to what may very well be the final post I make. I’m not saying that for dramatic effect or to get a response, it’s just where I may be right now. Life and time are getting tighter and this one is kind of a milestone post. It’s also one of the few times where I have plenty of words in my head, but it’s not as easy to put them on the page. You might get more photos than words for once. Only time will tell if this is it, but if it is I don’t want to miss the chance to thank anyone and everyone who’s ever read even one word on this blog or any blog I have been part of before. You make this what it is and has been for me.
The last time I sat down and wrote anything about this particular subject was “Fourteen”, and before that “The Spirit Behind The Spiritor”, and lastly “Thirteen.” It’s not one I write about often but this year I feel a need to do that because it’s a big year. Fourteen was written four years ago, meaning this year is “Eighteen” and it’s wild to even think that is a reality. It is though. I remember just over eighteen years ago when I heard the news and I’ll be really honest and say that my first reaction was not joyful. It ended up being that but the shock at the moment was real, from both sides. To think it’s been that long and he’s now as old as I was at the time is mindblowing. Needless to say, this post will be packed with more real life than SecondLife and that’s okay with me, the occasion calls for it after all. Feel free to stick around if you want to, and if you don’t because we’re not really talking SL this time, that’s okay too.
As I stated back in my post “Fourteen,” this is still mostly accurate:
“May 17th is my LEAST favorite day in the entire year. Thirteen years, a few of them were better, but pretty much all of them have been less than stellar on some level. The only other day/s that are sometimes less than great are Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Now, why is that?
In short, it’s because I have a kid who I don’t get to see very often, and his birthday happens to be today. It’s a complex situation that is more than anything I care to explain right now but it is what it is. It’s one of those things I’ve learned to compartmentalize and just get through. Yes, I know doing that is not always the best thing. I don’t completely block it off, but it’s a thing that I can’t control so there’s not much else there to do. We are not completely estranged or anything, but it’s not what any caring person would prefer it to be. So I have my challenges on the 17th. In the past, I chose to face them by myself and just get to the 18th.”
“Will you forgive me if I’m coming off a little bit obtuse?
Well it’s been a minute now since I have had to tell the truth“
Lewis Capaldi – How I’m Feeling Now
Count on plenty of photos because you only get to do this once right?
I can’t say much of that has changed, not due to me not wanting to, nor him or his mother, it’s circumstances beyond our control. That’s a tangled web of bullshit that we’re just not going to dig into because it’s life and it is what it is. From time to time we’ve seen one another and I’ve made the most of those times because that’s what I love to do. Whether we’re close or not, that bond is unbreaking, circumstances be damned. I’m proud to see what he’s accomplished and what he will go on to achieve. He’s very much like his parents and that’s a compliment, not a slight to anyone. This May 17th is special because it’s been eighteen years and he now moves on to the next part of life. I cannot wait to see what he does with it. He is ours and we’re both proud of the young man we brought into this world, he did the work though.
“I won’t lie, I’m a mess yeah
But I’ll get there
Now I won’t lie, I’m a mess yeah
But I’ll get there”
Lewis Capaldi – How I’m Feeling Now
I’ve taken many breaks from blogging over the years to focus on other things or to just give myself some space, always coming back eventually. That may be where I go next, it may not. For the first time in a long time, I’m really not sure if there is a next. Hopefully, I figure that out over my vacation and come back with a refreshed outlook and new ideas that I want to bring to life. I’ll never close the door completely because you never know what will happen or what idea might spark something. There is a sense of finality with this day hitting and all that comes with it.
It is mindblowing to think that eighteen years have flown by, with fourteen of them coming during my SL time. Again not a topic I write about a lot, it’s one I keep to myself mostly and I’m sure we all do that to a degree. That sense of protection and privacy to some level is warranted, at least in my opinion and you have to pick and choose how much you want to share of life outside of the grid in a post. There are a lot of great people out there, but you have the opposite as well. Deciding what and how much you put out there is a balancing act, but for one post on this one boy, I’m putting it there.
I’ll be away on a trip with some of my best friends over this next weekend recharging and getting away from things. As you know from previous posts I took a trip last year to visit San Francisco and for all intents and purposes, it was awesome to experience. This time around myself and nine of my current/former guildmates will be hitting up Las Vegas for a few days of fun. It’ll be nice to meet some of them for the very first time and experience somewhere new together. I know this is far from what I usually write up or post, but like I said you really do only get to do this once and I’m not missing that chance. Here’s to you kid, keep killing it. I may feel like an old man thinking about it all, but I couldn’t be more proud.
“So here’s to my beautiful life
That seems to leave me so unsatisfied
No sense of self but self-obsessed
I’m always trapped inside my fucking head
On and on and on, on and on and on
On and on and on, on and on and on, said
Thought I’d be happier somehow
If you were wondering how I’m feeling now”
Lewis Capaldi – How I’m Feeling Now
Credits:
Head: LeLUTKA.Head.NOA.3.1 ~ Jaden Nova
Head Applier: STRAY DOG – GREG – LELUTKA – TONE 04 ~ Gac Akina
Hairbase: EGX. BOM Ragnar Hairbase ~ Veviaz Resident
Beard: [MAGNIFICENT] Ducky Skunk Beard & Stache – LeBarbier Alpha
Beard Layer: Volkstone Rey Facial Hair // 004 TINTABLE (BOM) ~ Daves Hexem
Ears: ^^Swallow^^ Gauged S Ears ~ Luciayes Magic
Eyes: Avi-Glam. Glory Eyes – 403 ~ Eye Daddy
Body: [LEGACY] Athletic (1.6) ~ MeshBody Resident
Skin: STRAY DOG – Legacy Skin – TONE 04 (BOM) ~ Gac Akina
Hand BOM: K.O.K.O.S SHOP – SEXI MAN HANDS-BOM ALL BODY. ~ Aleric Dallas
Tattoo Top: DAPPA – Reckoning Tattoo. [FADED] Lelutka EvoX. ~ Devil Fae
Nails: N E X U S HD nails v.4 ~ CheerNo Destiny
Shirt: [Deadwool] Sterling shirt ~ Masa Plympton
Pants: [Deadwool] Sean trousers ~ Masa Plympton
Tie: [Deadwool] Bolo tie (Sterling only) ~ Masa Plympton ~ NEW @ The Mens Dept (May 5-May 31)
Hat: [Deadwool] Yuma hat ~ Masa Plympton ~ NEW @ The Mens Dept (May 5-May 31)
Sunglasses: [MAGNIFICENT] DWANE Sunglasses ~ LeBarbier Alpha ~ NEW @ The Mens Dept (May 5-May 31)
Rings: **RE** Aeon Bracelet & Rings ~ Crashnoww Resident
Watch: **RE** Aeon Watch ~ Crashnoww Resident
Earrings: = DAE = SXD1 ~ Naomi Darkheart
Backdrop: FOXCITY. Photo Booth – Home Sweet Home #1 (Summer) ~ Satomi XOXO
Balloons: hive // balloon letters . gold ~ Lundy Lovely
Pose: Secret Poses – Look Here 2M ~ SweetDanielee Resident
LuckySpiritor.Com 