Sometimes I’ll fall down, sometimes I’ll lose hope
But those days will be few if I keep my feet on the ground
I might be lonely, but I ain’t alone here
So I keep pushing the limits of what makes me, me
Asking Alexandria – Alone In A Room
Around a year ago at this time I had been back in SL for about three months and wow how a year can change things. When I came back, it was for a one reason and one reason only. A selfish one sure, but a necessary one. I was missing some answers that I thought I needed to be able to close out a chapter in my life. In the time I was back I never did find those answers and in the end I chose to close it as it was. It sure didn’t make it any easier like I was hoping it would. But, what it did teach me is that expecting it to be easy in any way was my mistake. If it was easy then did that chapter really even matter to me? The answer that I have come to for that is no. So it was hard for quite a while. I tried to close it over the course of a few months and in the end I felt like I had said all I could say and that I was done with what I thought was my final post here.
I walked away on July 4, 2018. I closed with a post and planned on never coming back. For me personally I made the mistake of tying my Second Life too much to someone else’s and in the end I lost my own way. I could blame that person, but the reality is you have to do what’s best for you, and if that’s what was best for them then what else can you say? Because if you’re not looking out for you then there is a very good chance that no one else is. Sure you may have friends behind you, family, whomever it may be, but only you are in your shoes. Even when the experience is similar no one feels 100% the same way you do and it’s truly impossible for them to understand where you are. That’s not their fault or yours, it’s just the simple facts of life.
As I’ve said before, I decided at the beginning of this year to come back here. It started out as a promise I made in December that I was not going to back out of. That being the wedding of a friend. I stayed true to my promise and showed up, with the no more commitment than a “we’ll see” when it came to how long I’d be here again. I had to be honest because when I said that I was raiding in WoW four days a week, work, and everything else in between. Time was limited and I wasn’t sure how much I could really promise to being somewhere that I was convinced I didn’t fit anymore. I see now that it wasn’t so much a matter of fit as it was a matter of timing. All too often we run into right person, wrong time, or right time, wrong person. Different circumstances obviously lead to different outcomes. A mistake I made there was assigning myself a certain set of circumstances which had defined outcomes already.
Time has a funny way of changing things though. I never intended to blog again, but that itch to do something if I was going to stay around made it near impossible not to. My first post back on January 1 would end up having an impact that I really didn’t understand fully until recently, but it’s cool to look back at now. I had absolutely no idea what to write that night but I knew I needed something to go with the picture I took. (Now you see why I usually write first now and fit the picture after.) I ended up using, you know what there’s no point re-explaining it, you can find it here. At the time it inspired me and by sharing it inspired others. One of those people reached out that very same day. Little did I know where that would lead me. After the prior year and at the start of this one I promised myself and anyone that would listen that I was -done- with SL relationships. I’ve spoken about it many times here so I won’t rehash all of that. While the prospect of one possibly happening was there I was extremely hesitant not because of who, but because I honestly didn’t know if it was something I should do again.
You know by now if you’ve followed at all that I chose to change my mind on that statement. It wasn’t something I decided on quickly either. I literally took months to figure out what I felt was the right decision. If you don’t believe me on that, just ask her. She’ll tell you I was not an easy one to sway. But you have to take some risks and this one felt right even with my previous chapter being what it was. I don’t know where it will go, how it will be, if it will end, or if it won’t. All I knew was if I didn’t take the chance then I would never get the answers to at least some of those questions. I know so far this post is mostly centered around my journey but that’s not what led to me writing it. Keep in mind the 3ams at which I tend to do my best writing lead to some weird shit sometimes.
Without detail I’ve watched a few of my friends go through some struggles lately. I don’t just mean SL friends either. WoW friends, RL friends, SL friends, you name it. I can understand to varying degrees, but I’ll never claim to know exactly what they’re feeling. I can’t. I’m not them and they are not me. Some are personal struggles, some are SL struggles, some are real life struggles. Do I wish had all the answers for them, of course I do. But I don’t. There sadly is not always a solution for everything. Things work out one way or another eventually but there’s no “magic fix in a second” button.
I have and will continue to do the best that I can to help them. The key to it for me is it’s not always pretty, it’s not always nice, it won’t always be clean. Sometimes it has to be ugly, it has to be mean, and it has to be dirty. Not everything is solved with a hug and a smile. Life is full of both and I have found, at least in my own life, that you need that one person who is willing to take a hit and tell you straight, whether you like it or not. Those people, the one’s who are honest with you even when it’s not what you want to hear are THE most important kind. Most people always look for the positive and that’s not a bad thing, but truthfully there isn’t -always- a positive. Things are going to fail, at one point or another, in something you do. Having either the self-awareness to realize it, or having that person who tells you how it is matters. Quite often more than you know.
It’s safe to say this blog will never be 100% Second Life focused ever again and that shouldn’t surprise you. It hasn’t been in at least two years. While I enjoyed the time where it was all about SL clothing, décor, etc, I just can’t write about only that anymore. (Realistically I probably should have opened with this but oh well.) This is my outlet, my place to pour out my thoughts and then dig through them to see if it makes any sense at all. A lot of times it does but sometimes it’s just words on a page that get saved and sit there. That’s not to say I won’t have Second Life things because I will. The pictures are always Second Life and as you know I try to fit my shot to the post because I work backwards. Most of the time I can make it work and get the idea I want across. Other times it’s totally got nothing to do with the post but what the hell, why not post it anyway right?
That’s the reason I’ve come back around with Asking Alexandria’s “Alone In A Room.” It was the first song I used when I came back in 2018 and it fits again. Though this time you’re getting the acoustic version because not only does it fit the idea, but it’s a damn good song in this form as well. Time truly does change everything. Oh and this look, maybe a new thing? Permanent? Temporary? I’m not sure yet though it does fit my name quite well. For all I know I could change it back to the norm tomorrow. You just never know.
Feeling older every day
Took everything I had to not crash and burn
But I’m starting to learn
Asking Alexandria – Alone In A Room
Head: CATWA HEAD Victor [SL Neck] v3.2 ~ Catwa Clip
Head Applier: Clef de Peau.Clef de Peau.Harry T5 [CATWA] ~ Marcopol Oh
Hair: Stealthic – Baron ~ Stealthic Resident
Hairbase: Stealthic – Male Hairbase ~ Stealthic Resident
Brows: Clef de Peau.Eyebrows v.32 Brown Omega [CATWA] Applier ~ Marcopol Oh
Eyes: CATWA Mesh Eyes ~ Catwa Clip
Eye Applier: Avi-Glam. Radiance Eyes – Catwa Applier – 03 ~ Kendra Parfort ~ NEW @ The Epiphany (Apr 15-May 15?)
Ears: [MANDALA] STRETCHED_Ears_Season2 GOLD – Kikunosuke Eel
Beard: GA EG – Victor Bento Hipster Stache & Beard Medium – Sun ~ ElleEtGance Resident
Body: [Signature] Geralt Body – Body – v1.1 ~ Mona Delpiaz
Body Applier: Clef de Peau.Body Athl T5 ~ Marcopol Oh
Hands: [Signature] Geralt Body – Hands – v1.1 ~ Mona Delpiaz
Feet: [Signature] Geralt Body – Feet – v1.1 ~ Mona Delpiaz
Tattoo: Oxydate. Feed the Beast Tattoo_Bodies Applier ~ MonaSax95 Resident
Necklace: :::NOIR::: Krios DogTag ~ Noirstore Resident ~ NEW @ Men Only Monthly (Apr 20-May 15)
Jacket: not so bad . MATYS jacket . GERALT . black ~ Reda Bertolucci ~ NEW @ The Mens Dept (Apr 5-Apr 28)