“Will you forgive me if I’m coming off a little bit obtuse?
Well it’s been a minute now since I have had to tell the truth
I know, I can, I won’t”
Lewis Capaldi – How I’m Feeling Now
This photo didn’t come together because I was trying to capture a moment. It came together because I was already in one. Late night, lights low, that familiar quiet that shows up when I stop pretending I am actually done for the day. The laptop is still open on the desk, (yes with this blog on the screen😉), because of course it is. Not because I’m doing anything important, I’m not, but because closing it would feel like deciding the night is over, and I am not quite there yet. A drink within reach. An ashtray nearby, used, unapologetic, proof that time has passed and I have been sitting longer than planned.
This room feels lived in, not styled, and that matters to me. The books on the shelves feel like quiet company instead of just decorations. The shadows soften everything without trying to hide it. The clock is there, doing it’s job, but not rushing me, which I appreciate more than I probably should. There is no urgency here, just awareness. That feeling of being alone with my thoughts without needing to debate every single one of them. Because lord knows I do that far too often. FOXCITY’s Faded Hour backdrop holds all of this together in a way that feels natural. It feels like a space meant for nights like this, where half finished thoughts stick around without asking anything from me. It’s not somewhere to retreat to, it feels like somewhere to stay.
Lewis Capaldi’s How I’m Feeling Now fits into this almost too well. Not in a dramatic, sweeping way, just steady. It feels like one of those songs I don’t have to sit down and analyze, it just stays on while I’m thinking about other things. It sounds like continuing without pressure. Like admitting I’m still here, still moving, even if I don’t have a clear sense of where that movement is headed yet. I don’t hear it as a confession or a resolution. It feels more like someone checking in and not expecting an answer. This is where I am. This is how it feels right now. That’s it. No grand speech required.
That energy shaped this image more than anything else. THIRST’s new Sleepwear release at FaMESHed fits into this moment in a way that feels easy rather than styled. It is the kind of thing I reach for when I am done being “on” for the world. Comfortable, grounded, oddly familiar. Intentional without trying to prove anything. It feels chosen for the moment, not for an audience (which I know is ironic since this is a blog post), and there is something quietly confident about letting something simply feel right instead of asking it to say more than it needs to.
That same sense of ease is what keeps pulling me back to this photo. Not the stillness itself, but the permission in it. The permission to leave things unfinished. To sit in a moment that doesn’t need clarity or direction. The open laptop, the untouched space on the desk, the quiet signs that time has passed are not problems to fix. They are reminders that not everything needs to be wrapped up, labeled, or explained to matter.
This photo and post aren’t about answers or resolution. It is about the pause. I’ve talked about pausing and different versions a lot lately so that should be no surprise. It’s about letting myself exist in the middle. Some nights, believing my best days are ahead is not about certainty. It is about stubborn hope. About staying present long enough to let the next version of myself catch up. Right now, that feels like enough.
Credits for everything can be found below and hopefully the next post will be soon. Fighting off a lovely cold right now that’s kicking my ass. Winter is my favorite season, I’m kidding of course. Until next time…
“So here’s to my beautiful life
That seems to leave me so unsatisfied
No sense of self but self-obsessed
I’m always trapped inside my fucking head
On and on and on, on and on and on
On and on and on, on and on and on, said
Thought I’d be happier somehow
If you were wondering how I’m feeling now”
Lewis Capaldi – How I’m Feeling Now
Credits:
Head: LeLUTKA.Head.NOA.4.0 ~ Jaden Nova
Head Applier: VELOUR: KALEB Skin for Evo X ~ Kiria Mama
Hair: [MFCNT] THOR Bun – Grooming Hair – LeBarbier Alpha
Hairbase: LeLUTKA.EvoX.Hairbase.044 (BOM) ~ Jaden Nova (Comes with the LeLUTKA NOA Head)
Eyes: Avi-Glam. Prism Eyes – Pack 2 ~ Eye Daddy
Ears: ^^Swallow^^ Gauged S Ears ~ Luciayes Magic
Ear Tattoo: RichB. Ears Tattoo #08 ~ Salvy Hexem
Beard: [MFCNT] Ducky Skunk Beard & Stache – LeBarbier Alpha
Beard Layer: [MR] Jimmi Facial Hair for EvoX Heads Style 1 ~ Daniel Whiskers
Body: [LEGACY] Athletic Edition (1.7.1) ~ MeshBody Resident
Skin: VELOUR: PICASSO HOMME Skin for Legacy (FIT/TAN) Picasso Neck ~ Kiria Mama
Hand BOM: K.O.K.O.S SHOP – SEXI MAN HANDS-BOM ALL BODY. ~ Aleric Dallas
Nails: Pare.Cure Mesh Nails Both Hands [Short] – Legacy ~ Flazedo Resident
Robe: THIRST – Sleepwear Robe ~ AlexanderPowell83 ~ NEW @ FaMESHed (Jan 2-Jan 27)
Pants: THIRST – Sleepwear PJ Pants – Cheeky ~ AlexanderPowell83 ~ NEW @ FaMESHed (Jan 2-Jan 27)
Rings/Bracelets: *RE* Atreides Bracelet & Rings ~ Crashnoww Resident
Earrings: = DAE = SXD1 ~ Naomi Darkheart
~Scene~
Backdrop: FOXCITY. Photo Booth – Faded Hour ~ Bi Polar
Laptop: dby MyMacBook Pro ~ Debora Stine
Bottle and Drink: 220ML – Bullet Time Pack – Shotgun Coaster ~ Jonas Acanthus
Ashtray: [NikotiN] Ultimate_Ashtray (V.5) ~ Raph Dirval